As Is - Just Mike Just

You ever get exactly what you want, and find yourself unable to enjoy it? I mean, to really appreciate it? And it bothers you that you can’t enjoy it, that you can’t be grateful for it. What’s wrong with me? you wonder.

It’s driving 7 hours to the Grand Canyon and then thinking: ‘So what?’ while you’re right there on the North Rim, maybe worrying about the kid you just sent off to college or thinking about all that meaningless NFL football you’re missing, wishing you were still in front of the TV. Or maybe the weather’s a tad too cool or it’s rainy or you just can’t get the exact right picture. And you start to feel guilty because you’re not having the requisite experience.

Life is often like that. Or, I should say, our experience of life is often like that.

We postpone joy in the moment about the moment because it’s not what we thought it might be, even though it’s exactly as it needs to be. So, we tell ourselves that in the next moment we’ll appreciate it, take it all in. We put off tasting this moment by asking: What’s gonna happen next?

We forget this moment, discard it, pass it over, looking forward to what the next instant will bring.

And so, we throw away this moment, because we’re busy planning or anticipating the next one. You can waste your whole life that way; either not paying attention to or rejecting this moment. Ignoring this instant and refusing it amount to the same thing.

I reject this instant when I believe that something else should be happening, or that I would be able to appreciate it more if only…, or that I could be happy but I don’t feel happy so what the hell is wrong with me? When I judge myself for how I receive this moment, I reject this moment.

The problem lies in the language I use against myself. Those words, ‘-ould’ words: should, could and would. Those are the problem. They represent the difference between expectations and reality, and that difference always leads to disappointment.

Reality is always perfect. My thinking about reality? My expectations about what’s happening? My reactions to the moment? My judgments about what it sh/c/would be? The language I use to frame it all up? Those are what make life difficult.

Shoulda, woulda and coulda drag me into the past and tempt me to project that past into the future. I can seldom be happy in either of those time zones. The past stretches back over my shoulder to my east in yesterday. The future dips below the horizon to my west in tomorrow. Morning already gone. Sunset not yet come.

When I’m disappointed, I’m in the past. When I’m expecting, I’m in the future. When I’m in the now, I’m not shouldingwouldingcoulding. I’m not threatening myself with the future or serving up the past to blame someone or something.

Most of us seek happiness, when all we need is contentment. What’s the difference? Contentment is gratitude for what is, not a wish for what might be. Contentment is peace of mind, not the excitement that happiness might bring. If I seek contentment, I might realize that it’s unconditioned and unconditional. I already possess it. It already is. Contentment is here and now. It’s never there and then. It’s all perfect just the way it is. There’s no room for should in now. Contentment is only found when I accept the moment and what it contains as is, with all faults, without expectations, with no exceptions.

Life comes without guarantee of any kind. Most of us spend much of our time here trying to negotiate some kind of warranty with the manufacturer of our being, and getting mad when we don’t get one. When I insist that life comes with a guarantee, I’m bound to be disappointed. I’m sure to miss the moment.

Life embraces us without condition, expectation or exception. It never requires that the results of our labor be warranted. It doesn’t insist that we promise that our performance, our achievements, or our bodies meet an acceptable minimum standard. It doesn’t sue us for negligence if we don’t meet its expectations, since life has no expectations of us. It invites us only to experience. It is we who burden ourselves with results. Life doesn’t insist that we warrant how much we’ll make moneywise or how long we’ll last, bodywise.

Life accepts us as we are. What a relief. It’s us that place conditions on ourselves, on one another, on life itself. When I live life in the moment and only in this moment, I’m returning the favor of unconditionality. I’m embracing life as is. Only now (never then) can I be at peace.

Mike’s novel, The Dirt: The Journey of a Mystic Cowboy, is available in softcover or eBook formats through Amazon.

You can purchase the book through this website. Or go straight to amazon at https://www.amazon.com/s?k=the+dirt+journey+of+a+mystic+cowboy&crid=1S40Q4BXSUWJ6&sprefix=the+dirt%3A+journey+of+a+m%2Caps%2C180&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_23

Mike’s other titles, including The Crippy, The Mind Altar, and Canyon Calls, are available through this website or through Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002

Four of his short stories have recently been published online:

Lies, Ltd. has been published by The Mystery Tribune @ Lies, Ltd.: Literary Short Fiction by Michael C. Just (mysterytribune.com)

The Obligate Carnivore has been published by the Scarlet Leaf Review @ Category: MICHAEL JUST – SCARLET LEAF REVIEW

I See You, Too has been published by the 96th of October @ I See You, Too – 96th of October

Offload, a short story about a man who can heal any disease, is now live and can be read at The Worlds Within at Offload – The Worlds Within