I’m a disappointed idealist, and those are the worst kind. The consequence of my faded optimism is disillusionment, coupled with an inevitable bitterness. I hold myself to high standards. I try not to lie or cheat or steal. I try to hold open the door for somebody else, and let the other guy go first in traffic. I expect other people to do the same. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t. The level of my disappointment in others can be measured graphically by the difference between my expectations of them and the reality of their behavior:
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Fig. 1: The level of my Disappointment is the difference between my Expectations and Reality, or D = E – R. Disappointment is perfectly correlated in a 1:1 ration to Resentment, Self-pity and Bitterness, or Re:S:B (Real Son of a Bitch).
I expect the world to stop sending me disagreeable people, because I want people to prove to me that my disillusionment is unjustified. I want humanity to restore my faith in human nature by protecting me from people who will let me down. I want a fat-free, low carb world that tastes good, too.
Yet the sham and the thief keep coming at me (See Figure 1), like soldiers in an inexhaustible army, against which I send out my own troops to fight an unwinnable war of attrition. The world will never run out of jerks. It’s the uptrend line of my expectations that needs to come down to be more in line with reality.
I need to see the rude, the aloof, the ignorant and the just plain mean as my teachers, not as out to get me. Then, maybe the world will stop sending its warriors my way.
© 2022 by Michael C. Just
Mike’s novel, The Dirt: The Journey of a Mystic Cowboy, is available in softcover or eBook formats through Amazon.
You can purchase the book through this website. Or go straight to amazon at https://www.amazon.com/s?k=the+dirt+journey+of+a+mystic+cowboy&crid=1S40Q4BXSUWJ6&sprefix=the+dirt%3A+journey+of+a+m%2Caps%2C180&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_23
Mike’s other titles, including The Crippy, The Mind Altar, and Canyon Calls, are available through this website or through Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002
Four of his short stories have recently been published online:
Lies, Ltd. has been published by The Mystery Tribune @ Lies, Ltd.: Literary Short Fiction by Michael C. Just (mysterytribune.com)
The Obligate Carnivore has been published by the Scarlet Leaf Review @ Category: MICHAEL JUST – SCARLET LEAF REVIEW
I See You, Too has been published by the 96th of October @ I See You, Too – 96th of October
Offload, a short story about a man who can heal any disease, is now live and can be read at The Worlds Within at Offload – The Worlds Within